When I say I'm tired of always being identified as a "female games journalist," I absolutely don't mean to entirely diminish the relevance of being an outspoken woman in a male-dominated space. My perspectives in my writing come from my identity and my life experience, and being a woman is a part of that I absolutely don't intend to reject.
For example, I was happy to be photographed by Gay Gamer and called a "fabulous femme fatale". Some of my earliest writing was on sex games, and I don't know if that would have gone over so well if I'd been a man (I still write about sex games-- just last week I published a new Escapist column about Anna Anthropy's unusual text-based sex adventure). As everyone always points out, yes, my blog is called Sexy Videogameland and there are pretty girls on it. Everyone knows I think Big Boss is hot. I'm proud to be a strong woman, and sometimes I'm happy to be a silly girly-girly-girl. I am who I am.
It's not that I've suddenly decided I no longer want to be a voice for women, or to speak from a female perspective -- how can I possibly do anything but? I'm just frustrated at the role I'm often asked to take in the constant wars that go on in gaming culture.
I write on a daily basis about things that have zero to do with my gender. I'm a survival horror aficionado. I'm obsessed with experimental storytelling. I love indie games; I love game development and technology. I love all kinds of culture and media. I'm not just here to fill the "lady quota."
Some of the feedback I received so far concerns the hostility in the tone of the piece -- yeah, I was angry. I'm not sorry for that. But there's one thing I need to make clear: For all the anger I felt toward the people I told to grow up else crawl back to forums where they can argue about review scores? That's how grateful I am for an equal number of you right now.
Thank you so much to my colleagues and friends, my longtime readers and my Twitter followers who've stuck with me and watched me publicly fumble as I try to figure all this out. I've had a lot of growing up to do, and I still do, and I've been doing it openly and messily in front of all of you. When I was younger I was one of those people who believed that if I didn't speak about my gender then no one would make a big deal out of it. Not only did that attitude ignore all the women who wanted to look to me for an example, but it also didn't work. I'm unhappy that it took me attaining a larger public profile and a painful degree of attack from the wider core community for me to start listening, learning and taking responsibility for being able to help change things.
These days I tweet about my crazy parties, I tweet snippy things about music, I tweet mean things from bars about the outfits of people who push me. I drink, I can be flippant, I can be arrogant, I can be confrontational. Sometimes I hardly tweet about video games at all, which is the reason you're here, I know.
But there are so many of you who support me anyway, because you share my hopes and dreams about video games and because you believe in my work.
I couldn't get through all the comments on the Kotaku piece. And I got all kinds of those emails that you think are just stereotypes, the "get back in the kitchen" and "quit attention-whoring" and all of that. I've heard it all before and it's lost its ability to hurt me, but it can be disheartening.
I heard from so many of you on Twitter telling me you're behind me, that you read the piece and you support me, and that you, like me, believe that nobody has to tolerate an environment of closed minds and cruel comments in video game culture. I often go around saying I don't care what people think of me or if they find me controversial -- that I'm going to focus on my work, on games and the people who make them, and do the writing I want to do anyway, and that's true to an extent.
Yet it's wonderful to know that so many of the folks who matter to me will stand with me and speak up, too. It makes me feel supported, but it also gives me hope that we can do this, you know? We -- writers, players, creators -- can have a wonderful, healthy culture in video games with discourse, debate, respect and equality. We can all keep helping each other learn and grow together. I'm really lucky to have you with me.
NOW GO GET DRUNK IT'S HALLOWEEN ~ !!
33 comments:
You do great work, Leigh, and you catch a lot of shit for no good reason. I'm glad you write in this space and I love reading your opinions.
Keep up the great work
No, thank you. Seriously, after the reaction to last week's article? A lot of this needed to be said.
That said, reading Kotaku comments these past two weeks have proven hazardous to my faith in humanity. They should probably put up a warning label for that.
Loved your Kotaku piece Leigh. Sometimes the unpopular thing needs to be said, and I appreciate the ideas and opinions you bring to the table re: videogames. It's always a pleasure to read one of your posts, so thanks for all the hard work~!
P.P.S. (relative to our brief twitter exchange) thanks for the great music you've shared on spotify or otherwise
Props to Kotaku, too. I'm proud of the work that Kirk is doing, I'm proud they published Denis' piece last week and then mine.
In my previous post I linked to Stephen's piece from PRACTICE (http://kotaku.com/5854819/he-asked-about-misogyny-in-street-fighter-and-the-games-caretakers-didnt-dodge) where Seth Killian suggested that communities actually get more hostile and vocal when they can feel things changing, welcoming in new people -- "that's why you start seeing the crosses on the lawn," Killian said.
I like to think that any vicious backlash from a statement like mine is more of those crosses on the lawn. I believe that things ARE changing, and it's because you guys want them to change, too. Thanks again.
Good god, I hope so. I hope this increased hostility means change. That would make it so much easier to take.
I think I've said this in like three different places by now, but thank you. You do good work. Behind you one hundred percent.
An open, honest, and thoughtful voice in the gaming world is still a relative rarity, and the culture is a richer place for your contributions - don't forget that. Thanks for keeping the conversation going. Thanks for shrugging off the kind of flak you've never deserved and most of us will never have to deal with. Keep writing and we'll keep reading!
While I don't know anything (and I mean anything) about video games, I loved your piece. It's so refreshing to see someone confront this problem because it doesn't just apply to video games, it applies to all kinds of media.
You have every right to be angry. You're dealing not only with immature people, but immature malicious people. They so often want everyone around them to feel awful because they're upset about their lives (and their lack of success with women, probably) and they take it out on the people who least deserve it. Did you have a reason to be irritated? Absolutely.
Thanks again for the great read and for bringing attention to such an important issue.
For me you will forever be Weird Alexander, the good kind of weird, the one who takes honesty and courage to stand up the ill formed tradition and norm of a culture.
It was weird to speak up for the good part of gameplay and story of hentai games, just because you love game and writing. It was courageous to speak up a weird voice about gender, more balance more personal. Peering into the corner of our culture, questioning the tradition, questioning the status quo, somewhat sacrificing comfort to stand up for your value, for game, for us. People who do not blend are weird.
Please be you, be Weird, be Alexander, be that great conqueror.
An excerpt from the featured comment over at Kotaku:
"When the fuck did Kotaku become a soap box for group of people that feel repressed and underrepresented?"
Seriously, there is no way he could have read your piece beyond the byline. Every word this guy types by slamming his face into his keyboard is a giant, neon case in point. And that would be fine, were it not for the bazillion or so assenting replies that follow.
Maybe this commenter belongs to the vocal minority, but I'm starting to feel gaming culture has gloried trolling for so long that it has begun to take "legitimate" stances on platforms where, once, only deliberate trolls would even consider.
The reason why I love following you on Twitter and in your articles is that you are an amazingly intelligent writer and I love listening to your perspective on video games and the world in general. What you have to say is worth while, and I wish there were more writers like you in the world. Thank you for all you do and please keep doing it!
I have a bit of a problem with the Kotaku article. I don't have an issue with people feeling a need to discuss something that is important to them and that they feel needs to be addressed, but if I was going to make a criticism of the piece it is with the tone and specifically the first paragraph. The opening of the article makes no attempt to engage with anyone who doesn't already agree with the opinions expressed within, and in fact openly insults anyone with any other view and tells them to go away. This approach leads to people commenting who either completely agree with the article, and did so before even reading it, and those who were offended and leave comments of anger. My problem isn't the message of the column but it's inability to connect with a wider audience. I hope I've managed to say what a mean properly.
Great article. I can empathize with your frustration. Sometimes you just wanna write about THE GAMES.
Nothing but thumbs up here. I enjoyed your piece on Kotaku and I agree with you whole-hardheartedly. Though we still have a way to go to be people who play games, rather then women/females/girls, your perspective is always well thought out and intelligent. That's why I subscribed to your blog.
And brownie points that you like Bayonetta. XD
I think I heard you on the Brainy Gamer podcast (or maybe it was the Rock Paper Shotgun podcast...one of those thought provoking game podcasts) talking about this exact subject. I even remember the line about just being a person. And that had to be about a year ago. I guess you're still sick of this crap.
I'd just like to say first off, while I don't follow Leigh's writing specifically, I've seen her stuff before.
Anyway, I think Mike, down there (up there? I don't know where my comment will appear) in the comments hits the nail on the head exactly as to why there were such angry reactions over at Kotaku.
Leigh's piece there is nothing more than a confirmation bias article that by the third sentence of the first paragraph basically tells anyone who isn't in prior agreement with her to fuck off and stop reading.
She really does herself a disservice that way. A lot of people read Kotaku, not so many SVGL and by immediately alienating and angering the very people that need to read what she wrote, she cuts of her nose to spite her face.
Anyone with a brain knows that women have it tough in a lot of industries and that guys, a lot of guys, are idiots. I'm a guy too and I'm often embarrassed by how other men act, but trying to educate these people by telling them to "piss off" may be a nice way to vent, in the end you accomplish nothing.
I'm also sorry to hear that you couldn't be bothered to respond to any of the commenters at Kotaku. Or maybe you let them defeat you right away? I dont' know, but I do know you missed a golden opportunity to clarify your position and engage some people in discussion, people who's minds you may have broadened slightly. Instead, you retreated and let them win.
Good luck out there.
It's wonderful to be a person... isn't it?
You can get mad... you can be happy... you can talk... there are similar people and different ones.
We people sure are weird... and we try to be whatever we want to be.
Hey Leigh,
As a game developer and someone who's blogged (significantly less than you) about games, I just wanted to add my voice to everyone chiming in to say that you're doing awesome work.
I actually appreciated the tone you took in your Kotaku article, and the sentiments you put out there -- both the anger and the "I'm sick of being a 'woman in games' first and foremost." You raise some important corollaries to the latter point in paragraphs 2-4 of this post, and those kinds of things were definitely on my mind as I started reading your Kotaku article. But you know what? From my point of view as someone who thinks about the same things, you covered those bases pretty well, at least for anyone with reading comprehension skills.
As for the anger -- my vote is absolutely, definitely for the anger and the "piss off, haters" intro. I really don't care for the argument that you ought to be more diplomatic, that you ought to consider the feelings of less open-minded readers, those with different points of view, people who you might be able to communicate to with honey but won't get with vinegar. There's a time and a place for those strategies, absolutely -- they're tactical and diplomatic and can be really effective in creating change in a few minds or many. But what often doesn't get allowed a time and place is real expression of frustration -- that almost always gets cries of "hey now don't take that tone!" In decades worth of internet writing I always see women get told to be more considerate, far more than men -- after all, we're supposed to be nicer -- and people of color get it too.
Diplomacy is all well and good. But you're a writer, and in posts like this you're sharing a chunk of yourself. A lot of your readers, including me, appreciate realness and honesty in that gift, and on issues like this one that includes rage. The fact that rage and upsetness and frustration and complex feelings go along with being a "woman in games" (and many other marginalized positions) is part and parcel of what everyone who's not a "woman in games" needs to learn about the subject. So thank you! Good seeing you this weekend! - Naomi C
Kotaku is kind of a weird place these days. Because the stories that yield lots of hits are a) The usual (sub)standard 'gaming news' stuff, b) Stories about murder that are vaguely connected to video games, and c) Thoughtful pieces that the commenters will love and/or hate, we seem to get good stuff from yourself, Hamilton, Totilo and the lot (though apparently not Tim Rogers anymore, D=) alongside the extremely lazy and the utterly shameful. The comments section is a veritable ghetto for the loudly ignorant, which sadly was not always the case. The site, though still popular, is widely reviled by the more, uh, experientially diverse gaming communities around the internet, and for these and other reasons I am not sure it's in writers' longterm best interests to continue feeding it.
Which leads me to wondering about things upon which you probably should not elaborate. Who exactly is your audience when you write for Kotaku these days, and why do you continue to do it? Do you truly intend to leave those people behind, or is that a one-off rhetorical gambit? Is Kotaku's huge readership all that valuable to you or others when so much of it is beneath your typical level of sophistication?
I dont know Leigh, i kinda think you let a bunch of crap got to much out of you. Perhaps due to the illusionary anonymity, internet is filled with trolls and generics, even a small disagreement can become a huge flamming section after a few posts, there is even some internet rule about that, i dont think its smthing restricted to the gaming community. Having an outburst about that stuff will most likely achieve the opposite effect. Anyway, i know a few people that read your blog irl, we are all interested in it because of the game+art+narrative deal and the personal tone of your writing, i think we are just a mute crowd xD. Have fun during helloween/finados/dia de los muertos!
Really good article :) http://www.game-modo.com
Respect is the only word that came to mind as I read that article. Your insight, perspective and yes, even your anger and bluntness cannot be denied, because it comes from real experience, from living it. Much respect from the SA gaming shores.
Naomi -- yeah, thank you. That's exactly my point. People, and in particular, women, are continually being told that they should "be nice", "be professional" or "be diplomatic" if they want to be heard. I've spent a bunch of years doing that and I wanted one little break.
Because it isn't a bunch of trolls that I let get to me. It's an endemic problem in gamer culture, a deep vein of maladapted people who think they own the place.
Fuck 'em.
Leigh.... Please explain to me why you want this piece of writing to be taken seriously when your BLOG is titled SEXY VIDEoGAME LAND.... You don't want to be labled as a girl gamer yet your own blog sexually exploits itself to identify you... If you just want to be *a video game writer* and not seen as *that girl* shouldnt you have named it something neutral? Because of this i see your piece of work above as nothing but a piece of retorich to get page views and encite flame wars for hits.... the exact opposite of what real journalism should be all about but yet you *care* for so much...
I think I heard you on the Brainy Gamer podcast (or maybe it was the Rock Paper Shotgun podcast...one of those thought provoking game podcasts) talking about this exact subject. I even remember the line about just being a person. And that had to be about a year ago. I guess you're still sick of thiPhone Sex
s crap.
Leigh, your work is so important, and I'm glad you haven't let the Kotaku commenters get to you, but they have been seriously detracting from my faith in the gaming humanity lately.
Case in point: today an article was cross posted from Jazebel to Kotaku about a woman who has been suffering from body shape issues, and eating disorders. The relevancy to Gawker was that she was speaking as a person entrenched in geek culture -- and her take home message was that geek culture is not above these issues, and we need to remain sensitive and thoughtful whether we are sports jocks or video gamers.
In a bizarre but typical response, one Kotaku commenter requested that "feminist" posts not be cross-posted onto Kotaku. There have been MASSIVE ammounts of comments lately about man-hating feminists on Kotaku.
I really want to sit everyone down and teach a 101 class on discrimination, so that everyone can learn the difference between basic prejudice and institutionalized discrimination, that privileges those who... well... are already privileged, at the systematic expense of the traditionally underprivileged: ethnic minorities, GBLQT, and women, for starters.
I want to believe that anyone who is willing to trash any gendered perspective -- even if it is as innocuous as as a story about body shapes and eating disorders -- must be replying out of deep-rooted fear and pain.
But it scares me. It's just so consistent, and their rhetoric is so dangerous. It scares me.
I want to adopt your "fuck 'em" policy and just move on with my life, but Leigh that scares me too. At the risk of sounding like the cheesy dialogue of a bad movie, I think this is what they want us to say.
They want us to say "Fuck 'em" and move on.
Please don't give them that privilege. I know that you are more than a gender-based gamer & journalist, but please keep trying to crack this nut -- please keep bringing the gender issue to play for these "maladapted" folk; in the thoughtful, honest way that you do.
They need it the most.
How unladylike. Your anger makes me uncomfortable and unsure of my manhood...so confused...
I enjoyed the show of emotion in this piece :). I'm part of the online competitive gaming community in SA and are no stranger to this topic. In the end skill matters more than gender, respect is earned and jerks will always be with us :P. Leigh I value your work as a journalist so highly, it's fresh, insightful and rare, keep it up.
Keep it up Leigh!
http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/internet-misogynists-given-chance-to-meet-a-woman-201111164545/
I'm sure that it's unfair the flak you get for championing diversity, but at the start of that article, you told everyone who wasn't interested in it to fuck off. That strikes me as a little futile because you're just saying only read this if you already agree with me. Who do you expect to change by doing that, what's the point in trying to change hearts and minds if the people that need to be moved are told to stand outside while you talk about your struggle in a room full of people nodding and murmuring agreement with you?
Whoops stupid me didn't read the comments before I posted mike already said what I wanted to say.
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