In the comments of my last post, SVGLer Laura asked if this article disgusts me. SVGLer Marijn says that what's disgusting is that women attending the panel covered in said article weren't offended.
Color me steel-stomached; I'm not really offended, either.
In case you don't have time to catch up, it's MSNBC's coverage of a PAX panel advising attendees on "How to get your girlfriend into gaming." Highlights of the panel coverage: girls won't play games with their boyfriends if they act like jerks about it, "chicks like flattery" (courtesy of XBL's community manager), and the general idea that it's unlikely you're gonna get your girl to play Halo.
The funny thing is, I wish I could roll my eyes at this. I mean, I'm a female who plays video games, and I don't require any such handling. The general message of the panel (which I didn't attend, mind) seems to suggest that girls require a little bit of user-friendliness -- which could be interpreted as condescension in this context -- to take an interest in games.
I'm not, actually, disgusted at this assertion. I'm disappointed that it's somewhat true. I wish I could get my girl friends "into gaming," too.
I -- and girls who read this blog -- are exceptions to the rule, unfortunately. While I do think it's something that can be changed, and it's not some hard-and-fast attitude innate to the female gender, the fact is that women are harder to approach on the subject of gaming than males are. This is something I've become intimately familiar with, because while many in the gaming audience have few opportunities to introduce their hobby to most of the people they meet unless they become closer friends, it's something that I've got to talk about all the time, almost right away upon being introduced to someone and they ask me, "what do you do?"
And with few exceptions, I find that men are pleasantly surprised, curious or amenable when they hear about my career. Even men who don't own or play any video games themselves and aren't necessarily interested in becoming "gamers" per se are, at least, intrigued. Women I meet, on the other hand, appear distinctly uncomfortable. It's not that they are necessarily judgmental; they just seem distinctly put-off about something they don't seem to feel would be "for them." In general, during the "what do you do?" conversations I have with people out in society, men find my job impressive; women find it quirky. There's a distinction.
Now, a good many of my non-gaming female friends seem interested in trying games, actually, but if I had to identify one barrier, it's that they're intimidated. It makes them feel like outsiders, and maybe some of these girls have one too many "manchildren" in their past, ex-boyfriends who preferred games to intimacy. Not that the games were to blame for their immature exes, of course, but many of my female acquaintances make the connection, at least.
As a writer, I usually try to leave my gender out of things. We can talk until we're blue in the face about "what women like" and don't like as concerns games, but writing about games is my job, and while I have tastes and preferences like anyone, I don't think they have to do with the fact I'm female. I know I'm an exception in the gaming world, and that's never bothered me.
But lately, I've been wondering about precisely why I'm an exception among other women, and why they're less likely to be interested in gaming. My usual attitude of gender-blindness isn't helping me here. I'm glad that some of you asked me about the PAX panel, because I recently took a stab at the topic of women and games in the latest Aberrant Gamer column -- check it out.
Ultimately, what I think is that while there are certain games with aesthetic and emotional traits that appeal to female sensibilities more than others, game preferences truly are more about taste than gender, and the reason for the gaming gender gap has more to do with packaging, presentation and larger cultural attitudes outside of the game community. The short answer, I suppose, is that we're not doing anything "wrong" -- society is.
So, no, I'm not disgusted by the PAX panel. I'm a little bit sad that this is the sort of advice that actually holds water. But another message of the column I wrote this week is that, while being gender-divisive and discriminatory isn't helpful to anyone, we can't be so politically correct that we overlook the fact that social conditioning has engendered (har har) generalized differences between males and females. Pretending we've all got the same needs and have been taught the same modalities of self-expression isn't going to help anyone.
Anyway, for more of my thoughts on the topic, check out this week's Aberrant Gamer. I honestly don't like to focus too much on the issue, because my position remains largely unchanged -- we treat games like a civilized medium and push for sophistication in areas other than tech and design, and eventually a civilized, diverse audience will see the appeal. And that doesn't require a special focus on any one group.
23 comments:
Two big things I think tend to force a segmentation. The first is that no matter how game makers try to pretend they aren't, in many cases games are trying to ape action movies. And action movies are deliberately designed to appeal to 15-23 year old males. So while the gameplay of Mercs 2 could be considered gender neutral, the advertising borrows heavily from action movie advertising which is anti-feminine in tone (if not occasionally fully misogynistic). So there is a large negative social cue attached.
A second big issue is just the large technical barrier that has to be overcome to approach new consoles. While they are described as plug and play, they really aren't. Think of what is really involved in attaching a PS3 or 360 to a TV. Your fist need to determine what type of cable to use, hook it up to the TV, hook up the audio, hook up the internet, know what display size to use to set up the console, and then deal with connecting to the internet and setting up an online account. Most who read this now will think all this rather simple, but just think how many people you know don't have even basic spyware protection. Add in social pressure for girls to not get into tech stuff and you have a sizable barrier. On top of that, think how much the controller has changed and how much more complicated a 15 button two stick controller is compared to the two button,d-pad, stylus of the DS or a two button mouse. I think the real secret of the Wii isn't motion control per se, it's a simple user interface that doesn't have this huge barrier that people use to games just don't pay attention to.
"maybe some of these girls have one too many "manchildren" in their past, ex-boyfriends who preferred games to intimacy. Not that the games were to blame for their immature exes, of course..."
Why do women always take a man's interest in gaming as a direct insult to them personally? How is it you view the time he spends gaming as a direct loss of time he should be using to tell you how pretty you are? Am I reading that comment properly? Are you saying that if he doesnt spend every second that he is not working or sleeping paying attention to her then he is a terrible boyfriend?
This sure doesn't do much to change the image of most North American females as vapid, selfish, over-indulged little princesses with a hugely overblown sense of entitlement, does it?
Since you speak for yourself, Ken, I'll simply say that, no, you were not reading that comment properly.
"Time he should be using to tell you how pretty you are" and "every second... paying attention" are not definitions of "intimacy" or "maturity."
I think much of it's to do with marketing and women believing that games aren't for them. Lots of women go to see action movies, don't they? Millions of women read horror novels; so why aren't they playing games with the same themes?
Our pastime is offputting because it's hard to see what it's about from the outside. You've got to buy equipment, and take over the living room. If you're with a partner who's an experienced gamer, then it's in some ways even harder to get involved in something that seems like it's a boy thing.
I am part of that generation where I'm one of very few women to play games. My younger friends do, but again they mostly play party games at other people's houses or online puzzle games. Which is not that surprising for one other reason: who wants to be crap at something? I know plenty of intelligent women who'd feel embarrassed at being bad at videogames outside of a party setting, and it's perhaps easier not to bother trying.
Finally, many women just don't feel they have the time to devote to something that eats up so many hours a week.
I'm hopeful that the Wii and DS will open things up a bit. And maybe women can be persuaded that it's actually a small step from the Wii remote to a PS3 controller.
How To Get Your Husband into Crocheting
Don't make him create pink baby booties... at least right off the bat. Instead, try giving him the pattern for an NFL-themed scarf, or a cozy for his favorite bottle of Scotch. Even simply asking your husband to help model sweaters will get him involved! And tell him he looks great-- men love flattery.
WooHoo! Leigh has got a visit from a certified Nice Guy!
Speaking of barrier to entry (admittedly a tangent, but one you mentioned): did you catch Indorktrination over at the Escapist? I don't swallow everything over there, but this is one of the more interesting stories about introducing games to teh womynz. Complements your take, I think.
@matthew:
Thanks for making my point better than I could, man! THAT'S why I found the whole thing so disgusting.
I am surprised that people thought guy gamers had girlfriends, that is one of the popular stereotypes. I used to think some things were racist or sexist but after a time i came to realize that people don't intentionally set out to be offensive it is just that they were not thinking about the people they were excluding just the people they were including(if that makes any sense)for example a person makes a restaurant but forgets to included ramps for people that use wheelchairs. that person is not being intentionally discriminatory they just gave the handicapped no thought when the place was built. that is why it is important to have diversity in all aspects of life so you can here more voices than just one kind.
See that's why we come here, to get a totally unique perspective from uh... "the other side of the fence"? Even though there is no fence, just the illusion of a line. I've played games with girlfriends before, and as long as it's something approachable they're fine with it.
It seems that some stigma grows into female psyche much like "blue is for boys, pink for girls". From what I've seen, it holds females back from even being casual gamers, although you can get them there if you introduce them lightly. Basically what KateB said. On that note, a game is coming out soon which could be perfect for that- Viva Pinata 2. You've got two player co-op, where you can both garden and help Pinatas on the same screen. Genius.
Also: Manchild. Hah.
My girlfriend loves- LOVES- videogames, but only when she's watching them. I've been trying to get her to become less of a viewer and more of a player for a while now, but she's only interested in a few: Animal Crossing, Cooking Mama, and Mario Party 8. The second she saw a commercial for Spore she had to have it, until I explained what it was and the idea of fighting other creatures scared her off.
So I think that PAX panel had a lot on the money. I don't see why someone would get offended by it when it's actually a good way to try and get someone interested in your hobby.
Her favorite game to watch is Shadow of the Colossus, by the way, because of one thing: Agro.
Leigh must be a gamer because she was indoctrinated by some courteous male who wasn't a jerk, didn't maker her play "Halo" and took the time to explain everything to her in a condescending way that even she could understand.
[This is the second draft of this post. The first rambled for a bit, and wasn't very clear. This one will be better.]
I'm going to propose something radical, here:
The terms "guy" and "girl" are not descriptors of gender. For instance, despite being a human being of the male variety, I'm not a "guy." Why not? Because I don't like football, I don't drink, I don't golf, or fish, I can cook, I put the toilet seat down, et cetera, et cetera.
On the other hand, many people DO define themselves that way. Not only do they do "guy things," but they use the label as a descriptor for themselves. Plenty of men consider themselves "guys."
So whenever I read something about "How to talk to guys," or "How to get a guy to do this," I sort of frown, then I sort of shrug. Because it's not very helpful, because it doesn't encourage proper communication. It certainly wouldn't be very helpful in my case. But on the other hand, when I think about it, there are plenty of people out there who consider themselves "guys" who this would apply rather well to. A genuinely helpful response to the question would entail saying, "Stop thinking about them as 'Guys' first of all, and think of them as 'people.' Then empathize with their position, and try to frame what you're saying in a way that you think will make sense to them."
On the other hand, good, proper communication needs to involve both parties equally. And the same people who consider themselves "guy" first and foremost tend to consider their counterparts of the opposite gender to be "girls" in the same fashion. It's not a huge stretch to suppose that the "guys" who are the subject of these questions are asking the same things about "how to deal with 'girls.'"
So I don't get offended when these things come up. I assume the advice is intended for people who aren't me, and that the oversimplifications are applying to people who also aren't me. For instance, as a male and a gamer, I don't feel that Ken's little outburst reflects badly on me . . . and if someone were to give advice about dealing with "guys" that includes bits on how to react to, well, things like that, I wouldn't be offended either.
It's definitely head-shaking material, at least because of it's unhelpfulness. But I really don't think it's offensive. Because, as I mentioned above, the terms "guy" and "girl" are much less about gender than they appear to be.
At least in this sense. I understand that I'm treading on some tricky ground here, and that I'm straying dangerously close to rationales along the lines of "Oh, the word 'Gay' isn't talking about homosexuals really," and "I don't mind black people except when they act like stereotypes."
But I think this is genuinely a different thing, and is purely about people not knowing how to communicate well, and other people trying to help but kind of making a mess of it.
I think a more interesting question (for me) would be, "How can we get more girls interested in "conflict" games?".
My girlfriend is a big gamer but I would love it if she would play more shooters with me. She's fine playing Halo or GoW with me if we are doing co-op but she refuses to play any deathmatch type of game. I guess I should count my blessings though.
Another great post Leigh! I love following your blog.
Thanks for responding!
I was mostly disgusted because I felt like the article portrayed women as too "delicate" or something to play "man" games, or that we are only attracted to electronics if they're pink (granted, I think the big black PlayStation IS pretty ugly). I guess that the social stigma is something that still needs to be worked at; there IS some institutionalized engendering of people, and the expectations are that boys should play video games while girls should read magazines about makeup and hair and celebrities.
Something else that keeps me from getting more into gaming (apart from the fact that it's a huge time & money suck) is that I DO feel like it's exclusive, not just from advertising but also from actual guys. Everybody is just so used to the stereotypes..good thing there are women like you, then, to be an exception.
I think the most important take-away from all of this is that MSNBC noticed and reported on a PAX panel that wasn't Halo related.
Somehow I've wandered in from bizarro world on this issue. Being a CS major at college, I deal with and run across lots of girls who are gamers, and it's rare to find one who doesn't. I've had converses with some who were big into WoW, I've had one in particular completely dominate me in Brawl and CoD4, I've met another who is fascinated by Guitar Hero and Rock Band. There are a few who are pure nostalgia gamers and rock the NES top loader.
Can someone please run a PAX panel next year advising "How to get your girlfriend out of gaming."?
I happen to be sick and supposedly working from bed, but through all the hacking and wheezing, who can make out what I'm saying on the phone anyway.
I'm one of the panelists Cori Roberts editor of currently being remodeled Gameinatrix.com. I have to say I was totally put off by the title of panel when they sent it over. I'm known for being extremely militant when it comes to girls, games and the industry in general, because I've had to deal with so many ass hats if you'll pardon my french.
However, we tried to spin the panel in a positive light. Yes it is a bit condescending, and yes it is true. Another truth is that every woman is different so what will get one woman into gaming may make another shy away. I do so wish someone could find me a recording of this panel because so much of what was said was left out. For instance my cousin who's hardest core game once was Bejeweled. I still considered her hard core even then, because no one could take her in that game. I mean no one. If she'd found a bejeweled tournament she'd have kicked ass and taken names. But recently she's gone full bore. She now owns an Xbox, a Wii, looking at PS3s as we speak (no joke) a DS, wants a PSP and is rebuilding her PC (She's wanting to check out WoW and Spore). What pulled her in? Who knows really..I like to think it was Medal of Honor and yelling at me to watch out for snipers, but I can't really say what made her want to play other games on other consoles.
You have to find what someone likes and then present it to them in a non condescending manor. As for MY girfriends and female neighbor who were skittish about my gaming..well let's just say now that they are seeing me everywhere they look and how the male population reacts to me being a gamer, they are seeing things in a different light.
-Gameinatrix
So wait, "Don't be a jerk and people will be more likely to do things with you" is supposed to be an offensive thing to suggest these days? Because, assuming your synopsis of the article was accurate - suggest things that they are interested in, dispense compliments, and the like - then it was basically providing advice about how to be a socially functional human being.
At least, that's what this man-child thinks.
There is a genuine demand for this kind of list - but casting it as "for your girlfriend" sends the wrong impression. What's really needed is a guide for getting non-gamers into gaming, regardless of gender, geek status, etc.
Unfortunately, our hobby requires a lot of prior knowledge, manual dexterity and patience to really enjoy. There isn't a gender gap per se between Rock Band and Grand Theft Auto, there's a yawning accessibility gulf. Your girlfriend/boyfriend just happens to be the closest person at hand to experiment on when you want to share your favorite hobby with someone.
I'll also second the "I'd be so bad at it" barrier to entry. I had one girlfriend who loved to play extremely competitive games like Virtua Fighter, but only against the AI - because losing is no fun. My father is the same way.
Shortest possible:
Ever wonder why men are early adopters of hobbies with high barriers to entry? Hi-fi stereos in the 60s, PC folks in the 80s, people who used to pass around bootleg VHS copies of rare TV shows, gym rats (40 years ago women who jogged were looked at funny), even blogging?
I'm not saying women don't join up, because they do. Eventually. But there's something in female culture that still derides involvement in hobbies outside of a few accepted outlets. Men, for a bunch of reasons that I think are totally fascinating, tend to think of having hobbies as a fundamentally good thing. Many women don't share that opinion yet.
I agree with robyrt completely.
What's annoying about the title 'get your girlfriend into gaming' is that it inherently spins any dialog on the topic into the implication that women are fragile, vain creatures that need to be coddled and flattered into liking something. The fact of the matter is that no one likes to be bad at something; everyone wants encouragement and patience from their guide when trying something new; and everyone has individual tastes.
There might be gender differences on what types of games people typically like and those might be based on differences in brain signals or social conditioning or something else. But that's not really relevant, because general statistics go out the window when you're talking about an individual person. The fact is, the way to introduce anyone unfamiliar with gaming is going to be the same, try one type of game and see if they like it, if not, try something else, regardless of gender or your relationship with the person.
It seems like the tone of the panel wasn't because people want their girlfriends to play games, they want their girlfriends to like the same games that they do. Understandable, since it's nice to have things in common, but this is analogous to trying to get your girlfriend (or boyfriend) to like the same music, books, or movies you do. If it's something they're unfamiliar with, then there's a chance, but if they just don't like it, then you aren't going to convince them, even with flattery.
Post a Comment