I know no one is here because you're all playing SSBB, which I haven't had any time for yet. But the big deal here in New York -- and, I guess nationally -- is our governor has been caught soliciting some very expensive prostitutes. The issue is that he's a justice-crusading former Attorney General and was the one who was supposed to clean up Albany, oh the irony, et cetera.Personally, the most shocking thing to me about the entire scenario is how much this woman cost. $4,300. For an hour. Come on, ladies - no matter what your values and ambitions are, can any female look at that dollar value and not think for a heartbeat's length, "hell, maybe I'm in the wrong line of work?"
Then, of course, we regain our sanity, mostly, and mull whether there's anybody you'd pay that much to sleep with. I'm racking my brain wondering what a $4300 dollar whore even looks like. And I start thinking of video game characters, who tend to be lots more gorgeous than real people. So, let's pretend you have that much money to spend on an hour of sex, and let's pretend you could actually sleep with video game characters. Which?
You know I love Big Boss, but, y'know. He's a red-blooded American man, and I'm a decent looking gal who's younger than he is. I don't think I'd have to pay him. To each their own, but I actually think a guy who accepted money from a woman for sex would lose all his appeal to me. So given that, hmm... Sorceress Edea? Bad Girl? I'd probably pick something really crazy, like the Final Fantasy Siren summon.
So who would you drop that much cash on?
53 comments:
Nice :)
So personally I'm stuck between Alyx Vance of Half-Life fame and Yuna of Final Fantasy X. I want to say more but I'm utterly disturbed at how much thought I've already given this. In any case, I can't seem to choose, so I'd just have to pay for the pair of them. That would be the gentlemanly thing to do.
Vice, King, Blue Mary, Angel. Aw, hell. What King of Fighters girl ISN'T worth that much money? They better be! Their creators genetically engineered them to be porn-star stacked.
It's such a lame question, but it IS disturbing how much the gears will turn on proposing it to yourself, isn't it.
My first thought was what video game character would I like to sleep with and it always comes back to Jade from Beyond Good and Evil.
Though, I've always imagined a long breakfast at the lighthouse the next day with lots of juice and fabulous toast, but that doesn't really seem to fit in with paying for it.
Maybe Visas Marr from Kotor 2. She's classy and not bound by conventions. Just imagine how good someone would be in the sack if they could "feel the force", I didn't mean that as dirty as it sounds.
I think a big part of the $4,300 is supposed to be for discretion and privacy.
ps. I've no idea what SSBB is.
Yuna(FFX), Hitomi(DOA), Lady(DMC), Koudelka, Lisa(DOA) or Fiona Belli(Haunting Ground) from the top of my (twisted mind)...
Koudelka? Wow, oldschool. But she was super hot.
What's-her-name from Heavenly Sword jumps to mind. But she'd probably crush my spine like Xenia Onatopp.
Technically Thorn from Jeff Smith's Bone comics was in a video game (from Telltale) -- does that count?
Props to whomever mentioned Koudelka. Obscurity is always hot.
My current game heroine lust-o-meter reads thusly (ranked in descending order of blood pumped per cubic centimeter):
Mitsuru (predictable enough, I guess)
Tron Bonne
Jennifer from Rule of Rose
Princess Peach
Upon seriously pondering this question I realize how many videogame heroines are underaged or borderline jailbait. Another feather in the industry's cap.
Is it bad to say that jailbait is hotter? Probably not, or the term wouldn't exist. And, who the eff am I kidding. Jennifer and Mitsuru = worthy of the big bucks.
THEY ARE NOT REAL SO IT IS OK
Always keep in mind lusting after underaged characters in video games=sick and twisted, lusting after underaged characters on the O.C.= national past time!
Technically the prostitute was $1000/hr and the Governor spent $4300 on her, presumably for 4 hours plus tip.
Still, I can imagine what a $1,000/hr lawyer is like, so maybe I can stretch and imagine a $1,000/hr prostitute.
I am delighted by mentions of Koudelka (fonder though I am of Shadow Hearts), but personally...
Arche Klaine, Tales of Phantasia
Yukari Takeba (I'm aware of Mitsuru's appeal, but Yukari always seemed like less of a stereotype and more of a believeable human being)
Imoen, Baldur's Gate 2
Heather, Silent Hill 3 (again on the believeable human being thing)
... Midna. Maybe.
Hmmm... this does get disturbing the more one thinks about it, really.
I should play Rule of Rose, but it would mean importing from France. Damn UK scare.
The King of All Cosmos
Jessica from Dragon Quest VIII.
One of the few RPGs I let drain my life for 6+ hours at a time, partially because her boobs had physics when they didn't need to. Wonderful.
Samus Aran, totally. I'd let her hunt for my bounty anytime.
All the KoF girls are also worthy of this sum...
Probably Midna too, I really liked her when she was in Twilight Princess.
Alyx Vance, for sure
I'm currently playing FFX and Yuna has enchanted me
Also, April Ryan from The Longest Journey
I'd say Lara Croft but I'm afraid every bone in my body would be shattered by the end of the session.
Hmmm. I'd have to scratch most of the KoF girls and all of the DoA girls off the list; they're too fake in all the wrong ways.
Should Rydia (ADULT Rydia, geesh) from FFIV get mad props, though, as she's cute on her own and could summon Siren to join in?
April Ryan, The Longest Journey. No contest.
I feel like while we're paying thousands of dollars, we might as well go for something supernatural, right?
http://www.rpgfan.com/pics/summonnight-ss2/art-004.jpg
Well, in an effort to not to repeat anyone, I was thinking about Kerrigan, pre-Zergification. She'd be good in the sack, plus she's badass and there is something about badass chicks.
Also, to contradict that last sentence, Nurse Joy would be worth the cash.
Seeing Leigh's last post, I forgot to say Etna.
Morrigan Aensland. Oh yeah. She can instantly change into any fantasy outfit I want. She's totally hot and exists for pleasure.
I'd have Helena from DOA for a second choice, but she'd probably cost more like $10k an hour.
I think that he paid mostly for discretion...but it looks like he didn't pay enough. Yikes!
Tifa Lockheart, (who nobody has mentioned yet??!) and I haven't seen Advent Children, so mostly this is from my fertile imagination while playing FFVII.
Etna, because she's hilarious/evil.
Ivy from soul caliber 2/3, assuming Leigh is incorrect about her equipment. There's just something about that evil laugh...and I imagine she'd be expensive.
Pretty entertaining thread, and a lot more variation than I would have expected.
I know, I was going to make some kind of poll out of the most popular responses, but nobody has the same favorite. Interesting!
Dan - you remember! Major points!
I'd also totally want Yuffie.
The Indian from General Custer's Revenge.
I ran into a strange conundrum.
Nobody had mentioned the Lunar games, so I figured I'd contribute to this discussion the names of the two blue-haired goddesses, Luna and Lucia. I mean, they're meticulously designed to be love interests, so why not?
But then I realized something...
When I played those games, so long ago... Well, I was more or less the age of these characters. But now, it just dawned on me that I'm older, and they aren't. Especially Luna.
My memories of those characters being desirable aren't incorrect, but these memories have somehow been rendered invalid, or at least mildly uncomfortable, by the mere passage of time.
To whom do I report this bug?
Jade: Tim tells it like it is.
Or maybe June from Knytt stories. ;)
http://lostgarden.com/uploaded_images/Knytt-character-734193.jpg
Lulu from FFX. That game fascinated me with the amount Tidus could actually flirt with Lulu. And, if you were persistant, she would respond with answers that, in real life, would have knotted my stomach like a set of cables left in a box.
There are plenty of others, which kinda serves to reinforce my opinion that designers do a better job than people think when it comes to certain female characters.
@ben
I always preferred Nalia, if only for the whole young-Julianne-Moore thing she had going on.
Other choices:
Elaine Marley (preferably CoMI-era, because A) she had a sexy accent then, and B) in Escape she's just a total bitch.)
Mona Sax (first-game version; Max Payne 2 is stricken from my fanon because the actors looked all wrong)
Alyx Vance
Number one choice: Jeanette from VtM: Bloodlines. She's hot as hell and she's batshit-psycho but in a flirty way rather than a murderous way.
Also, Leigh, short-time reader, first-time commenter; I love your blog.
I too recognize how disturbing it is to find I have an opinion about this. If I were a pixellated version of myself it would be Alyx Vance and Visas Marr together.
Honestly? $0.00.
I get the point of your article - really, I do! - but I've told myself for years that if I was so desperate I'd have to pay for sex, I'd let my wife kill me.
Considering that she'll dress up in the Princess Peach outfit (maybe for our anniversary next week it'll be the Lara Croft outfit ;) ) for free, I don't have to worry about it.
Meh...
It sounds more absurd than it is. Our vegas call girl (for AEE / last January) cost about $200.oo to get to the hotel, pluss $150.oo - $600.oo in 'tips' depending on what you actually wanted to do with her.
That's a girl from a firm, who was mediumly attractive, and had a marginal chance of carrying multiple STDs… and only 30 minutes of her time.
So yeah, I can see an attractive and guaranteed STD free girl costing that much for an hour. Especially with NY prices.
Hey, if a woman isn't just going from floor to floor, and staying in shape / keeping herself clean & respectable, she's got to make the money somehow.
everybody's got to eat...
I know these are PC game characters rather than video game characters, but I think some of the others in this list might have been as well.
Fall-From-Grace - Planescape:Torment (of course that whole "kiss being fatal" thing is a bit of a drawback).
Aerie - Baldur's Gate
You don't need to imagine anymore! According to Reddit, she looks like this:
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0312084kristen5.html
Also, I'd totally go for Curly Brace.
Ah, Planescape: Torment! Though it's definitely Annah for me. Not sure how those claw hands would work out, but there's nothing like a woman with a tail.
The thing about game character attractiveness is that character proportions have gotten so pneumatic that they've become (no joke intended) inflated. In fact, some characters have breasts so large that that they go beyond the attractive zone and into revolting. Imagine the torsion a character with breasts bigger than her head must experience! Imagine what's going to happen to those things "when" the character gets older! Such physiology is not healthy, and not healthy = not attractive.
@JohnH
meh... I think it depends on the age of the viewer, and whether they've imprinted on the distortion or not. I mean how many people today find Anime characters sexually attractive? (with characters that bare iconic relationships with the human body only)
totally Therisa Lapan from syphon filter for me. But more because the fantasy would include me getting to be a secret international agent, globe trotting, saving the world, etc.
Psy -- thank you. I think there are several first-time commenters on here, and I find it veeeery interesting that this is the thread that prompts people to speak up for the first time.
Either way, thanks for being here!
You basically asked "Which videogame character would you have hawtsecks with?". This is not something most people would hesitate to think about. I daresay it might even be a pleasant topic to pore over.
Just because it hasn't been said, Sami from advance wars.
and 5emaphore is right... what do you do with people who were once your age but aren't anymore...
creepy.
Do Hentai games count? In that case i have a lot of characters in mind ;)
I've always had a thing for the Shiva Summon/Esper/etc. from FF series.
Lisa from DOA is a hottie.
Shermie from KoF. There's something sexy about her hidden eyes.
oh yea! Blair from the Street Fighter EX series...athletic woman in a one-piece = great eye candy (Ivy was too easy a choice here.)
http://tinyurl.com/yu7mxj
Can't believe this hasn't been suggested already: Zelda. Her performance in Smash Brothers as her alter-ego sheik shows she's extremely well-toned and in shape, but she spends most of her time as a much more subdued, classy ego.
Think of the scene in Tales of Phantasia where the male leads debate over which female lead they'd rather have sex with: one is elegant, but the other, they suspect, is like a tiger in the sack. Picking Zelda is saying "why not both?"
Terra from FF6... in esper form!
No mention of Flonne? Devil Flonne? Etna? Plenair? Prier? Rozalin? Yukimaru? Sapphire Rhodonite? Marjoly? Yukari Takeba? Aegis? Mitsuru Kirijo? Izuna (Unemployed)?
You people sadden me greatly.
[In your defense, I suppose, there was mention of KoF:EX, which is vaguely associated with Atlus, and of Summon Night]
Better late than never!
PS2 was my 1st RPG and I still think that it stands th etest of time, my PSP seems to think so.
For those who enjoy the game music aspect of gaming, please enjoy the Overclocked Remix to the PS2 boss game music.
http://tinyurl.com/2kkbo2
Not affiliated to the composer, just a simple guy who has at one time listened to this one track on repeat for 6 hours straight, then listened to it the next day (yea, i never get tired of it.)
enjoy.
dammit, that should have went in the Phantasy Star 2 post!
my bad!
8-(
Etna,Flonne,Rozalin,Zelda,Nariko, and Midna in both forms. Midna's attitude always made her attractive to me. Imature yet mysterious.
Shiva hands down for my first pick. There are too many reasons behind that to elaborate at this time. Also Rikku from FFX, Zelda and her mistresses(i.e. all Zelda game girls plus Peach and Samus. Triforce of wisdom, baby!) Jean and Ruby from Lunar 2, and Tayuya(base form or CS2 form) from Naruto Ultimate Ninja 4. Can't help it I like her. She's got the fun type of bitchy attitude. I could list hundreds of others but those are the ones that really stand out to me.
Y'know, I asked my girlfriend this question one time and she had two very interesting answers.
The first would be Rukia from the Bleach games and manga since I look like her(I not THAT flat, damnit!)
And the other answer was....Kirby!!
Couldn't resist asking why and she said "Because he has more experience 'eating' people than any other game character and should be able to satisfy anyone!"
How do you argue with THAT!! XD
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