SVGL's Official Metal Gear Solid Drinking Game

Thought I was kidding, did you? Inspired by Polybius' FFX-2 drinking game, here's one devoted to my favorite series ever. I got a little serious yesterday, so now let's get drunk.

You will need:
A copious portion of American beer.
A bottle of Russian vodka, well chilled.
Six pack of Red Bull, probably sugarless, since you don't want to get sick.
Some good, coarse salt.
Either lemon juice, lime juice or sour mix.
Calorie-Mate. Or something edible, to keep your stomach steady.

This drinking game is designed to be used in any title in the Metal Gear series. I'll refer to "Snake," but unless specifically indicated, this can refer to Big Boss or Raiden also -- whomever you're playing as. Remember, kids, the Metal Gear drinking game is strictly intended for legal adults 21 and over, or whatever the legal age is in your country. SVGL does not promote drinking to dangerous and potentially lethal excess, so don't be an idiot, hey?

UPDATE: People have asked how much beer should be drank when not otherwise specified. Have a glass handy and take a generous sip from it whenever it says to. Of course, if you want to standardize the portion for your particular session, you can specify whatever you want.

• Whenever your commander reminds you via codec that you're on a stealth/sneaking mission: Swill red-blooded American beer.
• Whenever a female, on codec or otherwise, alludes to your legendary status, your mysteriousness, your quietness, your handsomeness or how otherwise impressive you are: Drink beer.
• Whenever one of your advisory team breaks the fourth wall by instructing you to push controller buttons: Drink beer.
• When you're told to rescue a scientist: Drink beer.
• When you're told you have to pick up all your own equipment: Drink beer.
• When the scientist you rescue pees himself: Take a cold, Russian shot.
  
• When anyone else pees themselves: Take two shots.
• When your rescue mission fails: Lick the salt and wash it down with a squirt of lemon juice. Chase it with vodka until the horrible bitter taste goes away.
• When your supervisor or one of your colleagues turns out to have betrayed, lied or withheld information from you: Take a shot.
• Whenever anyone is revealed to have a different identity than you originally believed: Salt, lemon juice, vodka chaser.
• When any character confesses to you their deeply personal emotional history regarding war: Take a shot.
  
• When you trigger an alert: Drink Red Bull.
• When an enemy boss' speech continues beyond two minutes: Drink succinct, gruff and silent American beer.
• When an enemy shows inappropriate sexual attraction to Snake: Icy, bracing Russian shot.
• When a real-world wartime official is mentioned: Lyndon Johnson, Nikita Khrushchev, whatever -- drink beer if they're American, vodka if they're Russian, and vodka and Red Bull if they're anything else.
  
• When Raiden says the word "virtual," "VR," VR training" or any viable variation: Slap your friend in the face.
• When Ocelot shows off his revolver, either by directly aggrandizing it or flipping it in the air: Put a shot of vodka into a glass of beer and chug. Double agent!
• If Otacon cries, drink plenty of water.
  
• When you find out your government has abandoned, betrayed or otherwise manipulated you for money: Salt, lemon juice, chaser.
• When someone who is definitely supposed to be dead is revealed not to be: Take a shot.
  
• When Snake unabashedly checks out a girl's body: Hell yeah, pound that testosterone-addled American beer.
• When you take a good, hard dive in slow-mo FMV from somewhere and hit the ground with a crunch: Chug beer.
• When you enter an area that's cold and swirling with snow: Cold, cold Russian vodka.
• Whenever nukes are mentioned: Drink beer.
• Whenever a key scientist, politician or hostage dies: Salt, lemon juice, chaser.
  
• When you're tortured: Take two shots, chase with Red Bull, and don't tell them anything.
• If someone mentions either the Philosophers or the Patriots: Take two shots.
• La-li-lu-le-lo: You decide.
  

You should be pretty hugely toxified right now. By this point, you'll be looking at the screen, listening to the dialogue and wondering: "Wait... what the hell's happening, now? What is this about, again?" Just as if you were sober! Now that's a Metal Gear-quality mindfuck. Congratulations!