This week's "Best of SVGL" challenge is a bit trickier than the first couple, but I've no doubt that my readers will exceed expectations:These days, with all the advertising dollars to be made in free-to-play MMOs, Webheads and venture capitalists have suddenly gotten hot to throw millions of dollars behind any game pitch that has words like "community" "persistent" and "dynamic" in it. It's like a dot-com bubble, only it's the free MMO-slash-social-world platform bubble. Is there anything they'd never make?
Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a short blurb or pitch for the most implausible, ludicrous MMO idea as if you were framing it to sell. You must write with the sincerest optimism and the most flattering spin -- fancy yourself a PR rep for the biggest idiots in the world (which is how Sony's folk must feel these days, poor things) and pitch that lunacy! You must use at least one of the following words/phrases: persistent, dynamic, community, 'tweens, virtual, free-to-play, virtual goods, exclusive content, downloadables, unlockables, real-world item tie-in, USB code, mobile access, customizable, avatar-based, secure, parental controls, celebrity placement, user-generated content. Automatic win if you can (sensibly) use them all.
I'll start us off:
Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch MMO
This teen-and-'tween targeted virtual playground offers young folks the dynamic experience of being part of Michael Jackson's fantasy community! Explore the Neverland Ranch community with customizable avatars and secure chat, and compete with other kids for the chance to meet the King of Pop himself! For a limited time, purchase real-world Michael Jackson dolls that carry a special USB key for access to additional unlockables and exclusive content! Participate in multiplayer battles to earn candy pieces you can spend for virtual furniture, special outfits and more to create and decorate your very own bedroom in Michael's mansion! Personalize your avatar with different pajamas, underwear and accessories, pick from user-generated designs or submit your own to dress the other kids! With your parents' permission, give Michael access to you at any time with private chat over mobile phone. Michael himself will be making frequent in-world appearances!
...I give it three weeks before I announce the completion of my first million-dollar round of Series A funding to develop this game. Thanks, 'angel investors'!
Anyway, you can do better -- go for it, guys!
UPDATE: Thanks to KGBrAm for pointing me to this video -- surprisingly savvy for TV, this is exactly what I'm talking about. Check it out and you'll get the idea.
40 comments:
Dammit Leigh, you always capture my heart with your twisted sense of humor <3
/bow
I live to serve.
*Bum World*
Ever wanted to know what it feels like to live on the lower-end of the spectrum? Well here's your chance with the exciting new groundbreaking MMO, Bum World! Extremely community based, Bum World will have you pissing in jars faster than your cardboard box caving in due to severe rain! Explore the many back alleys and abandoned buildings through out major cities to make your new home! Anything you find on the floor can be used as decorations for your cozy box house or your sturdy dumpster home, as weapons to fend off unyielding bums, or just something to play with! Like a dull rusty needle, Bum World will pierce your heart with unbridled joy!
Memento Online: Grind your way from level 60 back to level 1.
Along the way, you'll lose your epic items, craft weaker and weaker objects, and be restricted to less of the world.
But the starting game will rock.
Legitcorp: MMO Pitch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SbkD8BOCEc
Sorry Leigh,I hate pasting a vulgar youtube link but it's kinda appropriate :)
here's the polar opposite to Neverland...
Safety Zone MMO: An Entire World Within Arm's Reach
The Internet can be a dangerous place for children, especially when it's used to interact with other people. That's why we've developed Safety Zone, a new massively-multiplayer online game that is absolutely secure for kids, guaranteed!
In Safety Zone, players wander freely around a mysterious, strangely abandoned place known as "The Zone". In the weird world of The Zone, nothing ever changes--and nobody else seems to exist, not even the other players!
Every design element in Safety Zone was carefully chosen with children's safety as the uppermost concern, without the need for parental controls. Although Safety Zone is avatar-based, there is no way to see other players' avatars, much less communicate with them, so there is no possibility of kids seeing or hearing anything inappropriate, whether it be dynamic speech or user-generated content.
Unlike other games which allow persistent changes to the world, Safety Zone disallows any changes to avoid any "virtual communication". Similarly, so that parents can know exactly what they're getting out of the box, Safety Zone does not allow downloadables, unlockables, virtual goods, exclusive content, USB codes, or celebrity placements or endorsements.
Additionally, Safety Zone blocks all access to the Internet to prevent game-external communities from undercutting our guarantees.
But simply cutting kids off from other people can't absolutely ensure safety. Game designs often place boundaries and limits on actions, but psychologists have shown the traumatic possibilities for 'tweens from even the simplest sort of restrictions. That's why we've introduced the revolutionary freedom of "Immobile Access", where the world of Safety Zone is only two feet by two feet by four feet tall, so players can access the entire world without moving their avatar at all. With no movement possible, no artifical barriers are needed, and players can feel complete freedom.
The experience is enhanced by the world being fully customizable in any of four colors.
Come join us at Safety Zone. It's An Entire World Within Arm's Reach!
KGBrAm -- duly noted.
Ashley -- actually, Bum World sounds strangely fun. Sandboxy.
Sean -- yours reads more like a terrifying future prediction. Hysterical.
Okay guys. Ready for this?
::sips bottle of Fiji water and faces the board members::
Al Green's lovetime MMO.
::dramatic pause::
Look, we've all been to Deeprun tram guys. We've all seen the Stygian pit that is second life. And from that, I think we can make one thing absolutely certain.
Gamers love ass.
I know! It's true. Gamers love a bit of the old hokey pokey; they love the one handed horizontal rumba. And I think it's our duty as entrepreneurs to provide them with an environment where they feel comfortable to let their greasy, matted mullets down and get a little bit of that somethin' summat.
A sex MMO gentlemen. Sponsored by the king of sex, the Reverend Al Green.
Free to play, initially, but there's room for micropayments! Let's say you want to reverse cowgirl your little love thing: 500 points (6.21 USD). A fur suit, an oiled barby doll and the song Yakkity sax? 1050 points. It's a gold mine gentlemen. A VERITABLE GOLDMINE.
And there is room for the tweens and too! Our kissing and awkward second base servers are just the thing for these youngsters !
What do you think, gentlemen? Have I got a hit or what?
I wrote this a while ago for an Australian mag - it was part of a feature consisting of fake press-releases for games based on titles generated by the Random Game Name Generator. This was for one called Distinguished Octopus Summoner:
SEOUL, KOREA (December 14, 2006) – Glorious Rocket Games, Inc. (GRG GAME), industry leader in fun entertainment and related services, today announce making of new massive-multiplay online game (MMORPG) called DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS SUMMONER.
To play DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS SUMMONER game is to be small boy with magic power of summon DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS. Everybody plays in internet and a struggle for most DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS can result. With excellent graphics and attractive faces, players put clothes and items on DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS and then devour lovely girls. But sometimes girls are clever and hide, so player must be wise and use correct monocle! Sixty levels in progress promise many hours of pleasure for DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS SUMMONER.
Some features will be:
• Many monocles for DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS. Magic monocles to see most attractive girls! Some are lasers!
• TOP-HAT RENDERING SYSTEM™ enforces beauty in all places. Lovely girls with wobbling chest meats excite desire and make the gamer sweat!
• Unique STICKY TENTACLE CONTROL SCHEME™
• Many coloured DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS for player pleasure. It is possible for own creations!
• Cigars!
DISTINGUISHED OCTOPUS SUMMONER is made for computer with an internet. For more information and personal talking, please contact God Rocket Games using your telephone for details.
You know what? I was gonna do "Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch," then I clicked the link (followed from Kotaku)
Damn it.
"COLLECTORZ"
An mmorpg all built around the fast-paced world of collectible memorabilia-Choose different classes based on the type of collecting you do (postage stamps, action figures, etc.) manage a budget, go to virtual cons and collect & trade new ones. Features fluctuating market values based on any real world events that would affect them.
To Catch A Predator Online: (2CAPO):
Geared toward teaching 'tweens lessons in online safety this virtual world offers everyone, not just teens and 'tweens, a fun way to interact with one of todays #1 network television series based on online activity! Players can create customizble characters in one of several categories including: children, adult predators, law enforcement, bait models, and more! Take on the role of a 14 year old girl within this avatar-based community and see for yourself how you can become prey for the in-world predators who want to visit you with beer, Trojan Brand Latex Condoms, and McDonald's brand food. Viewers of the show will see a weekly code flash at the bottom of the screen to unlock exclusive bonus content such as outfits, equipments, and more! Users can also sell and trade virtual goods within this dynamic community to meet more like-minded individuals who share the same passion for internet safety as they do. Parental-controls enable you to filter out some of the more adult themed chat, or even prevent "private meetings" unless you are playing along side your child and can enter your personal unlock-password. Of course the celebrity Chris Hanson from Dateline NBC will have monthly chatroom appearances with lots of free-to-play contests and minigames for mobile ringtones and wallpapers! Wether you want to play the role of predator to teach players of the real danger that can exist, or play the role of law enforcement and get that satisfaction of catching some of todays most vile criminals in the act, 2CAPO is the game for you!
Corrected some mistakes:
They are a constant, indispensable part of our lives. Some spend millions on a single piece of it, while others are stuck with bargain store knockoffs. You use them, abuse them, put things on them, and you may even be sitting on one right now.
Welcome to Sitting Life: The Furniture MMO.
Have you ever wanted to be a chair, a table, a lamp or an armoire? Now you can be in the vibrant, dynamic world of Sitting Life!
Combining the best elements of popular MMOs like World of Warcraft, Second Life and Ethan Allen's: Upholstery Adventure, Sitting Life is a persistent and ever-evolving, avatar-based virtual community. And the best part is: it's customizable!
So what do you do in Sitting Life? Every player starts off with a basic "furny" avatar, either a thrift store table, chair or couch. At first you are old and worn sitting in some poor college student's apartment, with barely a can of Pledge to your name.
But through hard work, and completing challenges you can earn new unlockables and other exclusive content, such as paint, repairs, varnishes or even a whole new reupholstering! Players can also use real world money to purchase virtual goods such as pillows, tablecloths and cushions.
Don't have money? Don't worry! Sitting Life has you covered with a variety of real world tie-ins from Crate and Barrel, Bed Bath and Beyond, and Home Depot. Limited edition goods are also available through our celebrity placement program. Soon your furniture avatar can be wearing the hottest goods from Martha Stewart's Living collection, or Oprah Winfrey's new line of designer throw pillows.
And Sitting Life isn't just for adults, no children and 'tweens have their own special area, and even their own avatars! Little Billy can zoom around as a car-shaped bed, or older sister Sierra can spend her time as a hip pink vanity table! Kids will love designing their own user-generated content such as custom paint schemes, fabric and decals. They'll have fun playing games such as "Find the Change in the Couch Cushions!" and "What's That Stain?"
Best of all, through Sitting Life's unique set of parental controls, your family will always be safe, no matter where they are in the game!
On the go, but still want to play? Now you can! Through the miracles of modern technology and USB code, you can download a mini-version of Sitting Life to your Ipod, Zune, or other media player. Our new mobile access feature allows you to use your cell phone to check on your furny anytime you want!
Come be a part of the fastest growing home-decor MMO out today!
Go from Thrift Store to Fabulous all in Sitting Life: The Furniture MMO!
What kid doesn't want to go out drinking? What 20 something male hasn't wished he could just stay home all day and drink his problems away? I think it's safe to say, not many. And this is why I think you should green light the latest concept from Drunkard Games...
World of Winos
Players will be immersed in the world of Metropoliburgintown, a sprawling cityscape full of mystery, intrigue, and hard liquor. Players will face quests which we like to call "problematic parables" which will present their character with a problem that they must drink away. The more booze they drink, the faster their problems go away. Defeating problems will give the players experience points, leveling their character up at a logarithmic pace.
While the instanced quest bars, back allies, and gutters will present only the occasional enemy police officer, mugger, or homeless guy - possible syner-grated tie-in with Bum World? (That's right, I just synergized and integrated the words "synergy" and "integrated") - the shared space of the city will present an even stronger hazard in several "home zones". In these zones, the player will have the opportunity to battle family members toting intervention launchers, as well as the elite forces of Alcoholics Anonymous. This is of course for those who have achieved high level.
Upon reaching the level cap, players will be able to participate in the capture and raiding of in-game liquor stores, beer trucks, and various other distributors. Here they will be able to collect items unattainable by lower level characters.
We also have an expansion in the works, titled WoW: It Burns When I Pee. Which will open up the Red Light district of Metropoliburgintown.
My nomination: Office Wars!
In the distant future, the entire planet is covered in concrete and steel to run the only business left: Electronic Lucas Apple Intel Verizon Soft. All was a place where everyone knew their place in the Corporation.
Until Star Wars Episode XVII: The Revenge of the Return of the Neo Matrix Jedi Extreme the Revenge. When the movie was released, the servers were hit so hard that civilization collapsed. Departments were unable to communicate with each other, cut off as the security procedures went into place to prevent unauthorized torrents.
Now, 1,000 years later, and the departments have split off into separate species. IT Technicians evolved into razor sharp CD-ROM throwing Ninjas, using weighted USB cable nunchucks. From the depths the Accountants sharpen their pencil tridents, ready to run unwary wanderers into their hellish dens through. The Legal Department with their twisted Red Tape whips, all the way to Administration full of angelic flying beings.
You can now join this community of fierce warriors. Go out on quests to stop the Spam Machine that Time Forgot. Take place in a persistent world where departments battle over the remains of the Budget to claim your rights of victory. Will you make the ranks - or find yourself demoted before your time is up?
Office Wars. It's not just a career - it's your life.
Timed and Counter-Intuitive Travel (TaCIT)
Sure, H.G. Wells had his take on time travel. So did the popular series, Prince of Persia. Some say time is linear, others that it's infinitely forked and varied. We present to you the Fully Undulated Branch and Rebranch theory (FUBaR, for short).
Players in TaCIT will have the unique chance to travel forward and backward in time at their leisure. Create your character at the Big Bang and then start your time-traveling.
This is as sandbox as it gets, folks. You've got an entire fucking universe to toy with. Time and Space are your arenas as a player character, do with History what you will.
We believe the FUBaR theory will really immerse players in this game. Player deaths are permanent, and result in the immediate recreation of one's avatar. As such, levels are inadequate to describe the progression system. Beginning characters can simply travel back in time to when the supreme ruler of all time and space was a "noobie," as players are wont to say, and kill him. Naturally, this will attract the hardcore PvP crowd.
PvE more your game? Face off against such historical warlords as Genghis Khan, any one of many Roman emperors, even Nazi Germany. (Note: These NPC's may not exist due to prior exposure to time-alteration.)
Hop in the universe of TaCIT and experience our unique FUBaR approach to gaming!
--------
It's like turning the blue screen critical error into an MMO.
Haha, wow, everyone out-did me with their novel length posts.
chris person, that actually already exists, it's called redlight district. and you do have to pay to get to the sex part, with the free areas restricted to sexy dancing and hugging. it's probably the worst thing i've ever seen.
File Sharing Online
Play as one of thousand users on your quest for the biggest movie, music and porn collection ever created in a P2P network! Download copyrighted and noncopyrighted material form other users and try to hinder them from loading files from you. But because of the DL-ratio you have to tribute so be careful because you dont want to spend bandwith without benefits! But oohhh, there are also evil enemys like Sony and other companys that want to hinder you on your quest! Why? Who knows, looks like there are only out there to get you arrested, jailed for eternity.
But they are not the only enemys, hackers and script kiddys are not so friendly players who want to get the biggest collection in the world with dirty tricks so they try to infect you with trojans, viruses and other stuff to get control over your HD or PC. This is what we call PvP (Player vs Player) but because many useres hate PvP we also offer you special weapons who called anti viruses! But beware, they cost money so you cant get more Hard Drives and the scanning takes time, time you cant download!
An other Enemy is the gouverment, if you dont take care you can easily be fooled by users and you will end with child porn or terroristical material instead of the new Pixar animated Movie! As you see this game is very tactical and we also offer real money exchange: burn you movies, games or other stuff on CD or DVD and sell it at eBay! Yes you heard right, we wont sue you like blizzard or other companys for selling your grinded stuff!
Flatland: The MMO.
Subscription players can choose to start in the 2D community as a few-sided polygon (male) or a line (female). Gamers who just want to try it out can try the free-to-play 1D space, where everyone starts (and finishes) was a point.
FlatMMO lends itself well to mobile access- the legacy mobile devices won't have to strain to display the overhead view of the 2D world.
Premium content? How about High-def FlatMMO, where the points & shapes are presented in stunning clarity, making it easy to see where your player ends and flatland continues.
Customizable? FlatMMO doesn't need to be black and white- players can choose their polygon's color.
Unlockable? How about the art of sight recognition, only available to upper-class polygons.
FlatMMO will entertain for minutes at a time as you try to figure out where to put that second door in your home, or who keeps poking you in the intestines.
"Mean Girls Online"
Engage in mind-to-mind combat as you passive aggressively take down the bitch that's making out with your crush! Join clique guilds to gain charisma points and bond with your fellow social butterflies! You'd get build updates from the newspaper's gossip column, and coveted rare items include "Daddy's Credit Card" and "Blackmail Photos."
I'm looking at all these and trying not to think how hard it will be to choose only a couple :(
Kim, your idea sounds just sick enough that they WOULD actually make it.
Bugged Online:
The purpose of this mmo is trying to figure out how it works.
It will be subscription based but you will not know how much it will cost until the charges hit your bank.
The game disc will only have a download management program on it (maybe a virus too).
After you spend 10 days trying to download the game you get a warning that the file is corrupt and you must re download it.
Once you've figured out how to install it illegally you must choose a character name which will be quite difficult since nearly every name in all languages will be restricted. There will only be a few recognizable names - these will be epic.
The end game for bugged online will be getting online. If you manage to log in the game will immediately crash to desktop. Consider the desktop the graveyard.
Reboot the program and repeat. Its the grind. You love the grind
Bugged online also know as Vangaurd.
Sry my post is stupid. I just reinstalled vanguard and have no idea why.
Nice one, Leigh! I can't hope to compete with yours, to be honest, but I gave it a shot over on my blog:
Britney: The Experience
Step into the shoes of the one, the only Britney Spears! Enjoy countless hours of avoiding paparazzi aggro while cramming Haggen Daaz down your throat as fast as you can. However, you're not defenseless in Britney's World...wielding the awesome Umbrella of Insanity, you too can hook up with a trashy dancer, spit out a couple of kids, and then wander off to fail at lip-syncing! The game has a full-featured crafting system, allowing you to hand-craft any number of crises, faux pas' and criminal charges. And the end-game is the best, because as soon as you log in, you're already there! Britney: The Experience...coming soon to AccessHollywood.com!
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Please write anything else!
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